Exercise 2: Restricted Vocabulary – Revised attempt

A Late Walk, Matapouri Track

To enter, I badly needed
Vixen nerves,
The courage of midnight,
A shadow path
Into the hollow clearings,
The stink of den deepening
With the starless darkness.

Mortified I imagine hands,
Feel the pelt forest,
From the fur riven stump,
And something touches
My cold face,eyes,
With sacrificial fingers
Tearing delicately.

I imagine a legend,
Blank heirlooms,
Run through dreams,
The thrill of fronting
A long, distressing,
Hot-house death
A cold loneliness.

In sharp recognition,
A fox-faced sun
Springs into the
Redstained half-light,
Immaculate,
Brilliantly red,
Then burnt yellow.

With a deeper cry
My child shadow,
With a sharp history
Alive with her instinct
Of self-preservation,
Sings
Her birth-yell.

For this revision, I’ve tightened the first four stanzas and expanded the final stanza. to match in length. I’ve been playing about with swopping the order of the final two stanzas, and am not sure if this would enhance the progression or spoil the final climax – a birth yell sounds more impressive than burnt yellow.

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One Response to Exercise 2: Restricted Vocabulary – Revised attempt

  1. Pingback: A Late Walk, Matapouri Track | Poetry Notes and Jottings

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